THE CRUSH WHO CRASHED ME.

Am on facebook,just stalking my friends then I come across Kevin-My eyes clouded as I stared into his unchanged handsomeness over the years.

The memories came flooding in...

I was a sophomore in college.I had a crush on this guy.I was in debate club so was he.For him it was as though I never existed.We talked, but he never really saw me the way I  wanted him to see me.He lived in my heart anyway.

The universe has a profound way of conspiring to give or put things the way you wish them to be despite how disheartening the situation is.Kevin and I were put in the opposing team.Meaning we had to meet often to discuss and rehearse.I was the happiest person  in the world-the ecstasy of liking him.

My heart fluttered as I saw Kevin coming. He was walking lazily towards the school hall where I was having my rehearsal for the annual school debate. He was so handsome my heart swooned, flipped, somersaulted just by his mere presence.

' Essy...' The sound of my own name on his lips sent shivers down my spine.

I cleared my throat. 'look at my points,do you think they are strong enough?'

 Ah...' He looked around the half-empty hall like he was looking around for someone he knew. His hands were on his pocket. 'Not now Esy,I really need to go.'

 I was disheartened. 'But...' I was fighting not to cry. 'But we have to do our rehearsal  together,tomorrow is the much awaited day...' Words would not come out peacefully so I was almost whispering.I felt betrayed.I liked this guy but I loved debate more so the feeling of loosing the debate due to poor rehearsal overwhelmed me.

"That,' He settled his gorgeous dark eyes on me again. "--is the reason I'm here. Essy.. I know your smart--intelligent. The debate will not be a big problem to you, right? I mean you can rehearse it without me but tomorrow  morning we can discuss briefly before the battle of wits.'

 "You are my partner Kevin..we should..." I sighed. The tears were hot now behind my lids. It just that I had been dreaming about this moment for days. I had been praying really, really hard for him to be my debate partner. God had been too good to grant me that wish yet....

"Pliz understand me." He cocked his head and gave me one of his heart-stopping smile as if his words didn't crush my world into dust. 'I have some important stuff going on,Essy. That's why I couldn't be with you to do this rehearsal.. You understand right?'

His dark eyes were intense on mine. Despite of my heavy heart, my body grew warm from his gaze. If only he knew how much a simple look, one simple smile could do a lot of extra-ordinary things into my being. He just didn't know.

He would never know.

'Okay.' I hope he wouldn't hear the sadness in my voice or the see the pain in my eyes.

'Thank you'

He held both my hands. The simple touch brought electricity shooting into my nerves. I desperately wanted time to stop but I need to pull my hands back before he noticed I was melting.

I should not show him what I truly feel for him or I would lose him and just thinking about losing Kevin crushed me entirely into nothingness.

I had to guard the secret forever

This relationship was okay with me. At least, I could still see him, talk to him if there's a need. Although, those conversation meant so little to him than what it meant to me.

Deep down I knew he was going to the drama club hall,as there was this lady -Sharon was the girl he wanted. Pretty and sexy little thing. Although nothing much was going inside her empty head but he didn't seem bothered about that either.
 My eyes followed him as he went away as I swallowed the painful lump in my throat.

By
 Esther Wavinya