The rise and fall of the egos

The rise and fall of the egos

 

I have read essays,short stories,poems,watched :movies,documentaries,plays, listened to songs,the preachers messages that were about me and me and me. I clench and I unclench my hands nervously wondering are these messengers reading my mind? Have they being spying my life? Are they the persons who invade my dreams whom I don’t recognize after waking up?

My emotions are elicited by a cognitive evaluation of antecedent situations and events and that had occurred earlier in life. I break. exhausted .No matter what,I need to listen to my egos and what they are telling me.

Their messages are so loud and clear giving solutions which are either positive and negative to my endless problems I impose on me. Or should I say life has imposed on me? Life! Am I taking refuge to blame life?They hit my solar plexus as the truth drawn on me. ….u.ohh no... I... amm..hmrm... hem... There comes a time I stammer... the words are too strong and I am not sure how to counter that... *Jaw-Dropping* They act as extrinsic reinforcements.

My so many alter ego receive the message but not all agree. They fight all wanting to get a space in decision making. I lay down awaiting for the egos to come into consensus. They hurt me. My heart and mind are the judges and the egos the armies. The former are put into task by the egos,as each ego wants to have a say. The battle of wits within continue. Greed and conditions are the key word in their agenda.

I close me in the closet not ready to let life see me because my egos have overthrown me. They have taken their agenda over mine. I cry,I curse and they don’t soothe me. They just continue adding salts over the injuries. They say

“You should have said this,done this.”I bit my lower lip and wishing I could turn back the hand of our clock.

Being the grass I suffer the disagreement of my egos. I face the world with a shuttered face. My smile is very weak. My allies notice this,they give me messages which are transported to the egos. The ego on receiving the top ups they get armed more and more. Am unable to disarmament them.

The egos find escapist, divide themselves into groups who agree on a common escapist

“Blame that TV you bought to entertain you,”some egos argue
No. dont blame the TV. its just an electronic device doing what it was meant to do.

“Blame the C.C.K”
“No. not the cck. blame the media houses for featuring kinky western programs.”
“No don’t blame the media houses..Blame the CCK cause they fail to regulate the content broadcast by media houses.”

“Blame your internet provider,they lured you to this.”

“ blame the government? or the west?”
“we should blame ourselves for being in life”

“then lets die.”

At this juncture I awaken,I take control. Life is so beautiful. Who wants to die anyway? I don’t want to get up. The headache is still lingering, but I know that I needed to get up. I should not let fear which was imposed by another mans Idea which was probably his own fear take me away. I will survive,I will make my agenda to take control over my agendas.

I recall Samaul Aun words that “The mind must free itself from all kinds of “schools,” religions, sects, beliefs, etc. All those “cages” are obstacles which render the mind incapable of thinking freely.”Am setting it free from my alter egos. I need to be in control. Now I am ready for the day. I feel energized and mentally I am alert. listen to your mind and also the multiple egos, listen to others around you, and take it easy some days. On the other days, you are the master of your own progress

By

Esther Wavinya