The unwanted Experience

 

This particular Saturday morning James was in turmoil,His heart was heavy, and he had been melancholy since the previous night. He wanted to concentrate on the movie he had put to help him forget what was happening in his world but he couldn’t as there was something in his heart that couldn’t allow him. He was always looking at life with hope now he was looking at it with abhor. He sat at his favorite couch staring at the ceiling hoping it could explain to him what love,life and lust are.

“How could I mess up this much?

“How could I break the vows I consciously made to me?”

“Is there any hope left?”

The reality of his pastors words dawned on him, “You can control your choices but never can you control the consequences of your choices.” He understood this intuitively hitherto

James a spontaneous guy was a drop dead gorgeous and gregarious man in his early thirties who dressed in height of fashion. His choices for fragrance was among the best in the market as he left every room and office he entered suffused with his sweet yet lemonish scent He also allured those around him with his energy and humor. He was a man of the people as he could interact with people from all walk of life hence a charismatic leader amongst his peers. Life was doing him justice as having worked for six years he felt he had reached at the zenith of his carrier. He had achieved most of his heart desires hence had a very good reason to be an apparently happy man -a good fiancee Elizabeth whom he was to marry in a few months having engaged her,paid the dowry now planning the big wedding. He had bought a house which was ultra-modern decorated and furnished with handsome sofa sets,tables and rags. The decorating schemes was three starling colors blended together pleasantly. This is where him and Elizabeth would call a home after walking her down the isle. James was happy to be in love as he believe the notion that when you are in love things begin to make sense.

“I am pregnant James?”

This words coming from Eunice who was his side chick ,hitting him in the solar plexus,agape and was lost of words .

“She is pregnant...... she is pregnant.... .”These words played in his mind repeatedly over and over again,trying the phrase on ,like a new dress to see how it fitted. He wanted to let the words in as he was still in a dilemma.

“How can I get in a situation when am almost going to settle down with a woman I love,Elizabeth who is an intelligent lass,has standard and knows where she is going..A woman who is able to have awareness of not only herself but of her man.”

He felt physical shame and self loath

“Eunice can never be an ideal woman,she can never make a good wife. She is just a careless creature with Sorry-shabbily coiled weave.'' he thought aloud almost hysterically

The universe now had conspired to make him pay for his lustful desires. These bitter accusations might have been suppressed, had he, with greater policy, concealed his lustful struggles and patiently await for the day Elizabeth would join him in their matrimonial home. He wished he could be anywhere else and anyone else but not Here and Him. For the first time he hated himself with a passion.

James laid on the couch for along time. He struggled with the so many voice in his head on how to deal with the circumstance at hand. He cursed himself for letting the agenda for lust take over his agenda for his well planned life. He regretted for not having seen this coming the day he met Eunice at the local pub and got allured by her sexy legs which she had crossed very lady like, however it offered him a view of the thickness of her thighs underneath that pencil skirt. He envied that shirt she wore with the modest neckline who's only function was to cover a curvy and delicious form. Eunice was tempting that night making James have exaggerated image of her in the mind. Really men are visual. In a span of seconds he had undress her. James was drooling and he had to go approach this lady sent from heaven. He was not thinking straight at all when his eyes met Eunice eyes. The deal was sealed as the eye contact suggestively entwined their souls and welcomed each other and the rest is history.

Its been two years now since James and Eunice met,they had been able to conceal their intimacy and Eunice was okay being the chick on the side having ratified in her heart the rules of the relationships as suggested by James. He had promised to be with her till the end of time despite him getting married. He used the common lies men use to dominate women who have wondering and longing hearts and can fall for any lie. He lied how his marriage with Elizabeth was for convenience and a situational one but not his preference. He wanted to have both women in his life but Elizabeth was the one to mother his kids not Eunice.

The fact that Eunice was pregnant haunted him for hours and he realized he hated himself so much hence couldn't stand his circumstance at the moment. He didn't know what to tell both ladies and how to handle the situation. Suicide was the only way out. He took his life that very day having been overwhelmed by so may voices

By

Esther Wavinya