All The Single Ladies By Beryl Wanga Itindi

My 30 year old girlfriend has been dating this guy for a while! She always suspected the guy was younger.........but has been reluctant to ask about his age even after I pushed her to just so they both know what they are dealing with. I convinced her not to break the relationship because of age.........after all..........age is just a number. So she stayed, but never asked about the guy's age. The guy is just one stubborn man! Moodswings here and there! So yesterday we were the three of us and they got into an argument. We were by the road side and so it was a bit embarrassing and I asked them to please get home first.

My friend agreed buy her man refused saying he was not ready to talk it out. I stepped aside for a while to give them time to come to an agreement so that we could all walk home in peace. As I stood and watched from a distance, I saw the guy suddenly start running very fast away from my friend and my friend followed suit. It was a bit late and so I decided to take off as well after them. I thought that maybe they had seen some danger!

They guy does not live far from his parents. He was running towards his parent's house. I did not want to look behind to see what we were running away from. The street was a bit deserted and I did not want to come face to face with whatever it was we were running away from. All this time we were not making any sound. He was not screaming, my friend was not screaming and so I had no reason to attract the attacker's attention by screaming. I am smaller in size than both of them, so I used the advantage to run even faster past them and only stopped after entering his parent's compound. Then I started peeping to see who clinched the silver medal after I secured the gold one.

I did not wait for long, my friend walked in the compound. I asked her how she managed to overtake her man and what the hell they were running away from! Then she told me that her man had just disappeared and that they were not running away from anything! She had insisted that they talk out things and the guy just took off in the middle of their conversation. She followed him hoping to convince him to talk..........and I blindly followed suit!

The man's Mom came and ushered us in very well since she knows us. Then my friend started...................

Friend........................Peter ameingia hapa?

Mom.........................Hapana. Kwanini?

Friend.......................Tulikuwa tunaongea tu na yeye halafu akaanza mbio akikuja huku but akanipotelea hapo nje.

Mom......................(laughing) Tangu results zitoke amekuwa kichwa ngumu sana! Sijui anataka nini? Hata kwake siku hizi halali.

Friend and I ...............Results??

Mom.......................Eeeeeeeee, si results zilishatoka last week. Hajawaambia alipata nini?

Friends...................Unasema results gani mummy?

Mom......................KCSE.

Friend...................How old is Peter?

Mom....................He just turned 19!

Awooooooooo, awuooooooolan shatadeeee!!

All you mothers of teens out there! Stop feeding them junk!! You make them look like our potential husbands!!!

Now my friend and I are drunk with coffee!! We took coffee all night as we deleted his pics from all the possible gadgets we have!!

All the single ladies.................all the single ladies.................all the single ladies................put your hands up!!!
By Beryl Wanga Itindi

Beryl The Noisemaker By Beryl Wanga Itindi

I have always been a noisemaker ever since I was born! Every class I ever sat in branded me a noisemaker. Ok, I had no problem with that. My mama made me understand that she was a noisemaker too and I had picked that trait from her. Ever since she told me that, I never feared a thing! It was up to the class prefect to decide what to do with my name. Akitaka kuniandika noisemaker sawa, kama hataki pia ni sawa. After all, my parents were comfortable with me being a noisemaker! Call them to school because I broke some other rule but not noise making!

So one time in High School, when I was in form one, my Mama moved in with akina Nebuchadnezzar and Batholomew. It was devastating but life had to go on anyway! I left school and went back home to help my Mama move into her new home then reported back to school after a two week break. To me, everything was supposed until my name appeared in the noisemaking list two days after I reported back! The teacher on duty took the list and started walking to the staffroom then he suddenly made a U turn back to class.

Teacher.......................Beryl Itindi!

Me.............................Yes Sir!

Teacher.....................Why are you in this list?

Me.........................(shamefully) I was making noise in class.

Teacher................(perplexed)...Itindi what is wrong with you? You lost your mother just the other day and you are already making noise in class.

Me.........................(confused) Aaaaaaaaaa??

Teacher....................Why are you still making noise in class and you are just from burying your mother? Was she your real mother?

Me.........................(still confused) Yes.

Teacher.................(walking away) You cant be serious! When will you ever be humbled? Follow me to the staffroom!

Ok, I was taken aback a little bit! What was the connection again between my Mom Nebuchadnezing and me noisemaking? I started following him to the staffroom anyway! When I got there, he gave me the list to take back to our prefect and asked me to go and call me fellows and come back with them to the staffroom. I took the list and went back to class with it. When he said "my fellows' I thought that he meant those who did not have parents. Si I weeded them out one by one......you should have seen me!! ......and we were all smiles!! We actually thought that some sponsors had visited the school and so scholarships were up for grabs and we were the first ones to be considered! It was a normal thing in our school for orphans to be called to the staffroom to go and meet their sponsors, so it wasn't something new. "Caro, si wewe pia huwa unaishi na uncle yako? Si baba yako alikufa? Kuuuuuuja!! Mary, Grace, Nancy, haki munajijua kujeni haraka bure mukose scholarships!

We were a total of 15 pupils from our class. We then went to the staffroom and I went in as they all stood out to tell the teacher on duty that we were ready. He told me to tell them to make sure that they were all in full school uniforms including sweaters before seeing him. Omera that alone even made us believe more that sponsors were here! We needed to be in full school uniforms to meet out future sponsors. You should have seen the energy we had as we ran back to class to put on our sweaters! It was Midday and the sun was high up! It was very hot and no one wanted to even see a sweater. But because our sponsors were here, we were ready for anything! #Tukotayari

Five minutes later we were back to the staffroom with full school uniform. Some had even borrowed sweaters from their friends. I again went in and told the teacher on duty that we were outside waiting for him. I was all smiles as I talked to him and it must have made him mad!

Teacher................Itindi you must be nuts!! You are still smiling at me?? Can you and your friends kneel outside there in the sun with your hands up in those sweaters! Let nobody take off her sweater!

Me....................(walking backwards very fast scared) Yes sir!

I went out and told them that we had been told to kneel in the sun. They looked at me and questioned why and I tole them that I had smiled while talking to the teacher.

Caro....................Beryl wewe unakuwanga aje? Unawezaje kusmile na unajua ni scholarship tunaorganiziwa? Sasa unaona umetuharibia kwa sponsors! Place kama hizo mtu huenda kama amenyenyekea ndio sponsor pia aone unateseka!

Mary....................(shouting at me) Haki Beryl umetuharibia! Sasa unaenda hapo ukicheka na unajua sponsor ako hapo na pengine walishasema vile tunateseka.

Me...................Eeeeeeeeee, sasa ningejuaje mtu hafai kusmile? Hebu musinipigie kelele! Sina experience! I am still new in this business! Its only been two weeks since I joined this quorum! Si mungeniambia mapema ati mtu anafaa kuhuzunika kama ako mbele ya sponsor! Nkt!

Teacher.............(shouting from the staffroom coz he could see us since the walls were mad of glass) I said knell down and put your hands up! What are you still waiting for?

Everyone of us was down in a minute and hands up! We knelt there for a very long time! We were not even allowed to break for lunch! Our hands up and the sun shining and yet we had our sweaters on! It was traumatizing! The teacher would just walk out of the staffroom and look at us from a distance then go back. Fortunately or unfortunately, the principal passed by and asked us why we were kneeling there! That is after she gave us some slaps for doing whatever we had done. Everyone looked at me for an answer......

Me........................ (Looking down in shame) Madam, we had come to see our sponsors then I laughed where I was not supposed to laugh.

Principal...................What sponsors?

Me.......................Those who had come to sponsor orphans.

Principal.................What are you talking about? Who told you to kneel down here?

Before we could answer, the teacher on duty had walked to us.

Teacher...................These are the noisemakers in form two West. Making noise even when people are supposed to be preparing for exam.

Principal..................Who are these students? Are they orphans or noisemakers?

All of us looked confused! Everyone was looking at me! I was looking at the teacher on duty, tired, worn out, hungry, confused, sweating! Dear Jesus, Mary and Joseph!! What had I gotten myself into??

 Story By

Beryl Wanga Itindi

 

An open letter to Lilian Muli by Beryl Wanga Itindi

Dear Lilian Muli Kanene,

When we leave our homes each day/night to go and earn a living, we always make sure that we are at our best. We risk our ankles by balancing on those high heels and swing our hips by force. We carry expensive handbags and make sure our jewelery is intact! You see those wigs/weaves that some of us have on, Lilian, they are uncomfortable, but do we have a choice? Hell no! We don't! We just have to make our husbands proud by being at our best, it’s always full of suffering, our Golgotha.

Once we get home in the evening, we leave our bags at 'mama mboga' coz they are always too heavy for us in the evening and ask our children to go back for them once we are in the house. We remove our shoes at the stairs coz that's where the suffering ends, our Calvary. We live on the 11th floor remember? And our stairs are too steep! By the time we are on sixth floor, we meet our children running down stairs to mama mboga to bring us our bags, they meet us with a glass of water to give us the strength to get to 11th floor.

When we reach our houses, our heads are spinning around, probably from the long day we have had in our high heels and sexy attires. That figure belt we had all day that presses our stomachs inside, we remove it at the door and finally start breathing normally. Our wigs, we drop them on the coffee table as we ask our lastborns to massage our feet. We go to the bathroom and freshen up then put on a t-shirt and tie a lesso. We then drop (remember I did not say ‘sit’, I said ‘drop’), we drop on our seats and stretch our legs in time to catch the nine o’clock bulletin coz we are always caught up in traffic at 7pm.

Just before it begins, our husbands walk in, tired and ready to give us all the attention we need. We miss them all day remember? We only see them at night because they leave us on Saturdays to go have fun with fellow men. They sleep all Sunday coz they were up all night on Saturday. When they finally wake up Sunday evening, they already have the Monday blues and are so edgy. Lilian baby, we only get to see them in their good moods during weekday, at night to be specific.

It was all going well until your dresser improved his/her services. Surely Lilian, whoever is dressing you is making us suffer? Do you want us to maintain the heels, figure belts and wigs even in our own homes so that you don’t catch our husbands’ attention while presenting news? Lilian, you will be the end of us! Instead of night dresses we are now serving dinner in heels and making sure our lip balm is intact so that we match up to the game! Calvary jumped out the window in our homes and Golgotha sneaked in through all the openings! When are we going to be free?

Dear Lilian, I hear there is a new radio station coming up. I swear you sound so nice on radio, please apply for it. I will even canvass for you!

Yours truly,
Secretary General Komayole Forward Travellers,
Window shopping at Jamia mall right now because of you yet am broke!

Beryl Wanga Itindi

 

THE WRONG DIRECTION

The knock at the door stirs Mary from her intriguing moment,her soul being unconsciously merged in the Series-The Scandal,Olivia Pope being her favorite actress.
"Its that ditzy neighbor Jane who is so flickery and forgetful that her sincere effort often results into silly mistakes" she thinks.She wakes up from her favorite couch to go and attend to the uninvited guest,who dares show up at 10 am on a Saturday morning-the time Mary loves her space alone for catching up with her favorite movies as she enjoys her favorite wine Pinot noir-One of the noblest red wine  in her exquisite antique glass to savor the best in life.

Coming near the door in a fowl mood,Mary inhales a familiar cologne- smelt of freshly cut grass at the heart of evergreen forest, which has suffused the atmosphere,the scent was comforting...attractive...irresistible.that seemed to cleanse her fears away of the intruder being Jane .She opened the door gladly and her best friend Peter is standing at the door,his eyes are not what they are used to be,he looked weary.
"Come in Pet,"She said as she helped him with the sack he carried in his hands.
"I have brought lunch as am spending the day here sweetheart if you don't mind."
"Pliz.give me a  break,you know you are always welcomed here anytime dear.''
Mary studies Peter for a moment as she pours him a glass of the Pinot-noir to make him feel at home.Peter looked very empty,the same way When we are hungry for food, our stomach growls, we get an empty feeling in the pits of our stomachs, we can't stop thinking about food, and sometimes it even hurts.He looked lost,with no sense of direction.

Silence........

"I feel lonely,cold,frozen,void of true emotions"Peter finally ended the silence
It hurts to feel lonely but it heart more if you have no one to share with.Loneliness can be overwhelming, so overwhelming in fact that lonely individuals feel like they are about to burst! feeling as if one is going to break apart at any minute.How agonizing this must be! It's like blowing up a balloon past its normal capacity.
"Talk to me,my soul is ready to listen and help where it can" Mary said
Peter has always been sharing his marital affairs with Mary as she has always been a good listener and always advising him and helping him understand women,who are the most complex and capricious species of human kind.Mary and Peter have been friends since childhood and their families have known each other for decades.
 "Jessica has left me and this time for good,I cant leave without her,she makes me whole.She just completes me."
Jessica is one of the complicated women alive,the crazy type a man will continue to chase because she is attractive,ravishing,so good looking that men want to seize her and carry her off by force.Her demeanor is shy, yet confident and so sweet.Her body type is slender and feminine. She has beautiful, full eyebrows that frame her face, and a smile that is kind and genuine.The texture of her skin is soft which is not killed by the sun.Peter and Jessica having been married for one and half an year.

"Peter; hopefully this time its not your fault,Jessica is a good woman and a caring one which apparently we both know," she sips her wine and continues",what led to the breakup?"
"Its just Satan,he entered my nerves again,leading me to hit Jessica for asking my whereabouts" He pauses as if he is waiting for the said Satan to give him insights on how to explain the happenings to Mary,"I  did not sleep home on Thursday night as I was having drinks with my friends at a local pub along Baricho road."
"listening."
"Jessica had warned me severally not to  sleep out but I don't know why I do it anyway.I just find myself sleeping at Kevin's place and don't take me wrong I don't do inorganic love,am so straight." He inhales deeply,"she thinks am cheating on her of which I have on several occasion not that I don't love her but I cant just control the presence of voluptuous,curvy and sultry woman.my lust for such women shoots to the peak."

This is so hard a task.Mary told Peter hitting Jessica was a very naive move and by sleeping out severally was a wrong direction and he was blowing off the candles he lit one by one from the time he met Jessica.She further told him lust is not a condition ab but a bad habit which has infected his mentality and what he needs to do is do a revolution psychology if he really wants to have a healthy and long lasting relationship.Then again he needed to control his temper as Life provides men with an endless supply of things to get angry about.
"Pet,I have warned you about anger and its consequences.You really need to control this.Hitting a woman is the unwisest thing a man can ever do in this world.It crashes all the love she feel for you and loathes you instead.At other times if she stays with you she does so because of fear not love."
Mary asked Peter to practice self awareness as is the ability to notice what you're feeling and thinking, and why.then have self control which is all about thinking before you act. It puts some precious seconds or minutes between feeling a strong emotion and taking an action you'll regret.
" Together, self-awareness and self-control allow you to have more choice about how to act when you're feeling an intense emotion like anger." Mary told Peter

These insights were to help Peter deal with his problem in a profound way.This time he was to do in accordance with Mary"s advice  as he realized overtly that Jessica was not bluffing but leaving for good.He intuitively understood Jessica last words before she left their matrimonial home,"Whats left to break when the heart is broken,whats left to say when every word has been said." The thought of losing Jessica for life  made him vulnerable that's why he came to see Mary to help him talk to her.
"I cant assure you that Jessica will come back but I will try to talk her out,understand her pain and her plans for you,"Mary breathed in deeply knowing this is so hard a task but will do it for her childhood friend hoping he will keep his words and treat a lady the way she is supposed to be treated,"I wish you well in this battled of the mental challenge."

Boring typing this crap

Life on this side feels good. you have all the time you need at your disposal. You pee when you want, wherever you want. is that not wonderful? well, to me it is. Its the most amazing thing, imitating the wind. you see, the wind does whatever it wants. It can even bring your house down whenever it feels like. and I want to be like the wind. I want to bring people's house down whenever I want to. That would definately make me happy.

We all have our different factors that make us tick. What makes me tick is the voice of a crying human soul. I would definately do anything do anything to make that happen. Can someone please sacrifice him/herself for my happiness, well, there will be rewards in heaven. Truly God will not let your good deeds go to waste.

Dear God

Dear God,

              Hello, how are things over there? I hope that everything is turning great. My name is Jonny. You created me. Remember? Well, God, am writing to you this letter with a light heart. A light one indeed. First, I would like to thank you for creating me wonderfully. In your image as a matter of fact. Second, I would like to return my gratitude for letting me breath today. It is great fun to be alive except for a few worries here and there. Few worries. Your mercy surpasses everything. There is no one greater than you are. You are the mover of mountains, the molder of everything that crawls. Yes, you are the fountain that issues forth happiness and love. You are the mighty oak of strength. There is no being that can break your high walls. There is no arrow that can reach your kingdom. You are the river of understanding. Your wisdom surpasses all wisdom, no knowledge can explain your workings.

It is due to this strong character of yours that I come calling at your door. Am beseeching you to let me in. I want to have a glance at your kingdom. I hear that there is a fountain of crystal. I would love to see it sparkle, it would really dazzle my eyes. Lord, I hear that your palace is not gold coated, it is gold itself. I would really like to tread on it bare footed so that I can know how it feels. Dear Lord, there is no place like yours. Not one that I can dream of. It is by this virtue that I crawl on my knees to your place. It is a place of healing as I am meant to understand.

Lord, I have discarded earthly pleasures, I want to seek true pleasure in you, for you are the beginning and the end, as they say , you are Alpha and Omega. I want you to lead my way lord, so that you illuminate the paths I shall tread on. I want you to hold my hand, as a father holds his child. Lead me on the correct ways. Rebuke me if I do evil, for you are the best dear lord.

I have no more to say, except that you created me with a purpose, except that I hope our covenant is still breathing, and if not, grant me to the opportunity. A second chance, just as you did to your people. Thank you for listening. It was an honor talking to you. It makes my heart even lighter. I love you God, and not once will I be ashamed to say so. I have been before, but not anymore, for the one who does so is but a misguided fool. Thank you again for listening. Thank you for making it possible. I shall wait.


Your son,

           Mutie Oscar Ghitto

SO HARD A LET A GO

“I cant let her go this easily,” Wilson affirmed vehemently, “don't you understand and see am the only man that can make Grace happy!”

“I never knew men hurt this much when they loose a lady,I can see it through your eyes Wilson.you are broken and you cant think straight,I intuitively understand your soul as it is reflected through your eyes.You will be over this in few days.Count on me for anything.You will win this battle and rejoice for finishing the race.Life is everyday and every experience is a road to enlightenment ”Faith said

Wilson was relieved by Faith insight that it run through him like a deep breath.He was glad someone was listening to his lamentation as he was laden with grief and heartache.

“Sometimes I wish I can sleep and wake up a new man. having forgotten all my woes. I wish my head had a format button, it would be so fabulous.I would be so happy.”

Wilson felt a sense of loss,like someone had died.He also felt lost as if he had no direction.A heaviness remained in his chest for a long time and occasionally he felt like something was piercing him where his heart was supposed to be. Every time he though about Grace he felt that pain and that was constantly. That lost feeling would overcome him and he would walk and walk, to no where in particular. He wished that the ground would open up and swallow him so as to easen his heartache.he truly and deeply loves Grace. The thought of loosing her to the other man,whom Wilson referred to as imbecile and an old cantankerous man,made him more and more vulnerable.

“What wrong did I do for Grace to leave me,Faith,Just give me an insight.Am I not a good man.a gentle one to be precise.I treated Grace with respect,trust and love.I feel abhorrence to realize that she took my kindness for granted.” Wilson pented out his anger,His devastation was great as he often felt like he was a part of a wasteland. The misery overtook him and he found himself being nasty to people.This is the reason he felt he needed to vent out his bottled emotions to someone who was willing to hear him and not judge him for being a man who is not strong.Faith was the only one who could listen to him and understand him intuitively and advice him accordingly

Wilson met Grace at a friends family gathering during the Kenyatta day festive two years ago,and just the first glimpse made him feel this was the woman for him.Grace had a striking and captivating look ,her lips were like the color of the morning sun,she glowed as she walked around the compound,she stood out making almost all men in the compound admire her.This forced Wilson to go and converse with her as he believed in the swahili saying,chelewa chelewa utampata mwana si wako.He hoped she is not only beautiful but intelligent.His expectation were met and he was overwhelmed by her wit and her positive view on life,a lady full of hope . She is strong enough to make all her dreams come true. She knows love, therefore she gives love. She recognizes that her love has great value and must be reciprocated. If her love is taken for granted, it soon disappears.She had a dash of inspiration and a dabble of endurance.

“Anything I say about your beauty will sound so cliche, so I will honor you with my silence.” Wilson recalled his first words to Grace, “They say the eyes are the window to the soul, if that is true then your as beautiful on the inside as you are on the out."

He also remembered how he found difficulty in speaking his heart out to Grace whose Intel had fascinated him in profound ways.

Dating Grace gave his life meaning. It gave him a purpose and it fueled his hopes

Now he is heartbroken,Grace left him for another man.He cant understand why.He had showered her with love,gifts,time.ears to listen and a shoulder to lean on.This made him go hysterical.Being a writer,He wrote her poems and love letter despite this era of facebook,messanger and whatsapp hence letters have lost their meaning,yet he managed to email or drop her a letter everyday.Her friends envied her as they deeply wished someone could write them a letter too.Letters are very important as frequently communicate more than conversation can. During a conversation, people often lose their train of thought, getting sidetracked and forgetting the gist of what they wanted to say.Love letters also leave a memory so hard to forget.  He took her out on coffee dates after work frequently,he called her a couple of times during the day to know how her day was faring on.He carried her handbag which gave Grace intrinsic joys savoring every moment of time spent with Wilson gentleness.he did all this yet she repaid her with heartache.sleepless nights and in poverty.Loneliness and feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.

Faith tried to encourage Wilson but he was too fragile to be repaired.He just wanted Grace to come back and unbreak his heart and tell him she loves him again.Relationship are like glasses.Sometimes its better to leave them broken than to try hurt yourself putting them back together.Love begins with a smile,grows to a kiss and ends with a teardrop.Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does.Love is a battle,love is a war.love is a growing up.

Something so deep is broken in Wilson's life.He will never love a woman that deep again.He will just use and dump them since he will never trust them again.Its such a pity that He will never believe in love again.He soul is heartless now.He will forever look at women with hate,disgust yet it was only one lady who broke his heart.A soul gone to the dogs.Hope he find someone to re-energize his love in profound ways

It's really hard to define heartbreak in one sentence. It's a process and it happens in waves.Heart break happens when expectations aren't realized. If Wilson had expected that Grace would have chickened out then he would probably not have been so hurt, because he expected it. Some people live to expect the worse to circumvent the pain and heartbreak that comes with disappointment.

I know I will sound nuts but when a relationship make one feel they are like  wondering in the desert with no hope of a promised land they should let it go.let go gives one freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness. 

Esther Wavinya

 

I BLEACHED by Mutie Oscar Ghitto

Have I ever told you that sometimes I pity myself?
C'mon John,  you ask why? Look at yourself first.
By God, you are so dark, I mean, black?
Look at your eyes. Even the cat defeats you!
Its better than you are, for one, it is a blue eyed thing. you?
I really pity blackmen. How come the lion and the gazzelles are bettter?
Their coat is brown for God's sake.

What about the sun?
It is only in africa where the sun is so harsh.
You can't even take a stroll at midday. you'll melt to death.
At night, your fellow folks will stab you for a coin. can you imagine?
A coin? Well, thats africa.
It is only in africa where prostitution is for the stomach?
Can you even visualize? you would die of an headache my friend.

You see, africa is the dark world. Dark, third world.
Thats why every dark skinned breathing thing that is caught by wind of
luck escapes to the west. Don't even dare ask why. Its pretty obvious.
You see, disease and plagues only know africa as their home,
they are only a few refugees in the other parts of this goddamned earth.

Now, if you know what I mean, get out of my sight.
How can I be associated with you?
You will forever be dark. And am sorry to say so.
See, I bleached.

SIMPLE QUOTES by mutie oscar

"Beauty is not everything, there is always more hidden under the skin, under those eyes.
Friendship is not all cheer and laughter, wiping each others tears is simply the best.
To be happy is not to be in love. But the best thing is to be happy.
Anything in flesh and blood has never been perfect. If you are searching for the perfect one, give up.
It will cost you nothing to say am sorry. Yet it takes a lot of energy to say it.
To disregard others  is to disregard thy self. You only get what you give.
Shame on me if I judged you by the color of your skin, the mode of dressing, or by your speech."

THANK YOU by mutie.

It feels great to be well again. I mean, its wonderful. Really really wonderful
Its great that everything is back to normal
It is utterly awesome that I can feel the warmth of the air once more
What is even more? I can laugh, I can put on a cheerful countenance.
Folks, do you understand how being sick feels like? Oh well
You feel as if your soul has been wrapped in a polythene bag.
You feel as if your whole body is being spiked with little needles, yet you can do nothing about it.
It is saddening that we have to undergo this, whether we like it or not, one way or the other. Its not up to us to make decisions. certainly not.
Its funny that when you are hurting, you start to contemplate God and his mercy. You kneel down and pray, Faithfully.
God is always closest to us when we are in turmoil. When we are in fear. Great fear.
I have thought about it. Its better to be close to your God at all times. He will always save you.
Thank you God. Thank you

WOMEN OVERCOMPASATE AT TIMES

“Every woman has felt embarrassed by appearing too needy with a man. Every woman has had a man pursue her, only to lose interest the minute she gave in. Every woman knows what it feels like to be taken for granted. You are not the first neither will you be the last one. Fact of the matter is this guy doesn’t love you doll.” Gladys told Melissa

“Gladys I have always been strong like a steel inside yet kind outside,you know that strength that is ever so Subtle,but this guy has made me vulnerable,I cant think straight,no one has ever made me feel this much.”Melissa replied

Melissa was confused as she believes that the eyes are the gateway to the soul and she could see this through the eyes of Kennedy. She saw love in his eyes every time they locked together. He normally give her a dopey look which made her face light up and normally smiles back at him. The eyes give an emotional connect that the face can give and words cannot explain. Their souls are entwined through the eyes when they exchange glances.

“Lets call a spade a spade, and ask yourself this questions,Has the guy approached you? Has he claimed his love for you? Has he wanted to go out on a date with you? Does he call you everyday to know how you are doing and whats going on with your life? Sweets I believe he doesn’t do that,am right dear? Gladys paused , “ Love does not communicate through the eyes only,action is eloquence.”

These words evoked some traumatizing moments Melissa had with Kennedy the guy who arouses her every ounce of her body. Melissa was hit by this words like lightning striking a tree into pieces and like a thief stealing from himself and got caught by himself. These words were so true yet hurting and she felt embarrassed for lying to herself for long. She recalled how she had gone berserk,throwing things about the apartment when she sent the guy-Kennedy a whats-app message and he didn’t reply to her yet she could see him online. Thanks to whoever created whats-app as you are in a position to stalk and know who was online and what time but also its a killer to women as they are the ultimate stalkers especially when one has a wondering heart. Melissa clung to her phone that night awaiting a message from Kennedy but he never replied back. She slept a very lonesome lady that,cursing Kennedy for not replying her back and hating herself for the desperate measure. She felt like she was chasing a man yet he had given all the hints that he was so much into her. She hated herself for applying hintish language which apparently is understood by women only,not men.

Gladys broke the silence by telling Melissa, “The problem with us ladies is when a guy appears to be interested in us we tend to think they are into us of which they just like us as friends and admire our company only when they want to not always. They call us only when they feel like they need to check on us not because they really need us. But we tend to think since he calls us once or twice a week he is into us. Capital no. They too need female friends. Kennedy is such a man Mel,He just needs a friend,a girl who is his friend not a lover and the early you understand this the better you will free yourself from this heartache.”

Falling in love is just like going crazy. We get a new perspective or paradigm. Life seems always in budding -blooming ;but heart breaks it is like booming -blasting. With the soft and sweet feeling of love there are negative feelings like fear of rejection, loosing are dearly attached. It is the duality of love. Scientifically it might only be adrenaline rush but emotionally it is something we all crave, no matter how wretched we are. Loving is losing your ego, self -centeredness, even your weight sometimes .

Ben who had been quite listening to his friend penting up her anger towards all men,advised Melissa that she needs to have a mental challenge,she should know what she wants but shouldn’t compromise herself to get it. Men are hunters in nature,and women are to be hunted not the reversed role. This is just nature and should not be tampered with no matter how equal the female species perceive to be. There can never be equality in the chase game. Never. A woman should be flowery in the outside and steel on the inside.

Grace intuitively agreed with Ben,while Melissa was still trying to swallow the naked truth.

“Mel,women are the ones who drive the relationship train,they are the ones who say where we get on and where we get off but we men are the ones to start the train. We hold the key then the direction to follow is women's,” Ben continued, “ when you master this sweets ,no man will ever take advantage of you. Mark you am saying this as a man.”

Melissa knew deep down what her friend were advising was true but she also believed that Kennedy liked her a lot but doesn’t want to tell her as he wanted to hunt her. She felt very bad being a woman as you cant say what is in their your hurt until you are hunted down. Unfair. She understood that she needs to stop to subtly devalue herself by ceasing to give Kennedy unnecessary attention in her life. She decided to have a presence of mind so as not to be swept by a romantic fantasy which is a buster to female species.

“I need to understand me and know whether am capable of holding me in a relationship as I have noted I have a wondering heart that’s why am this vulnerable to hints via the eye contact,”Melissa finally said

She understood why men will always want what they cant have .When a woman seems Nonchalant it becomes a challenge for men to win her affection.

By 

Esther Wavinya

LET A GO

Letting go can be a painful yet necessary part of life.

And letting go can also result in feeling free

Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength.

However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.

Forgiveness means letting go of the past.

In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past,

but you will find yourself

Letting go helps us to to live in a more peaceful state of mind

and helps restore our balance.

It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands

off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.

Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open.

Holding on is believing that there’s only a past;

letting go is knowing that there’s a future.

We need to learn to let go as easily as we grasp

and we will find our hands full and our minds empty.

Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore.

It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself

You will find that it is necessary to let things go;

simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them.

I tie no weights to my ankles

If people refuse to look at you in a new light

and they can only see you for what you were,

only see you for the mistakes you've made,

if they don't realize that you are not your mistakes, then they have to go.

We can't be afraid of change.

You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in,

but if you never venture out of it,

you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea.

Holding onto something that is good for you now,

may be the very reason why you don't have something better

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.

You don’t need strength to let go of something.

What you really need is understanding.

The truth is, unless you let go,

unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation,

unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward

Incredible change happens in your life

when you decide to take control of what you do have power over

instead of craving control over what you don't
 People can be more forgiving than you can imagine.
But you have to forgive yourself.
 Let go of what’s bitter and move on.

 Esther Wavinya

THE THOUGHTS OF MURDERERS

One day I will kill someone.
I will stab someone, so that I can see how his blood looks like.
Have you ever seen the sight of blood? Romantic. Isn't it?
It is way too romantic to be ignored. See?
I will cut someone's throat. I am always fascinated by seeing chopped flesh.
Do you know why I will kill someone?
Its because am a murderer. See?
Am a murderer. I kill people, especially the innocent ones.
Why the innocent ones? Oh! they are an easy catch. Vulnerable.
Plus they attract attention. you see, I love attention just like a fish loves water.
Can you blame a fish for loving water? Then how can you blame me?
It is not my fault that I kill people. It is in fact your fault. For not paying attention!
But don't even think of paying attention now. It was the unconditioned stimulus
See the good of going to school? You use difficult terms and alot of people don't catch the meaning.
Fortunately, I schooled up to university. Which subjects you ask? The Charles Darwin thing. Understand?
And English by the way. Literature to be more precise. The art of manufacturing things like this. see?
Thats why I love sophisticated things. Let me finish this later. I have a "goat" to slaughter right now.


  Mutie Oscar Ghitto

IN THE FIELDS by Mutie Oscar Ghitto

(The moon is shining, washing everything in its queenly light. The night is still young, and a young couple is thriving under the moon, biting the fruit of their love. When you look at their faces, you are sure to see that when you are in love,time becomes timeless. The conversation has been born between the couple, John and Stacy.)

JOHN: (letting Stacy rest her head on his chest. He is caressing her Hair. Their eyes are held) I do not know what is beautiful. Is it the night or is it the moon?

STACY: I know what is beautiful. The most beautiful of all things is the being. The being who accords another a place in their soul, you can be sure am staring right into his eyes.

JOHN: I wanted to say that the moon is beautiful, because you are my moon. But you got me. There is no reason to force lines.

STACY: (Kissing him. such a gentle kiss) No need my love. No need for words, let our hearts do the talking, let our souls marry. Isn't it wonderful to sit back and feel everything falling into its place? I realize that today is the best night that I will ever have.

JOHN: (Adjusting his color. Emotions are getting the better of him.) Sometimes I feel as if am drowning in a deep sea of illusion. Sometimes I look at you and begin to wonder. How come I call you my love? I am yet to come in terms with reality. If it ever exists.

STACY: (looking amused) Why?

JOHN: Love. I have never imagined whether you would ever be mine, but here we are. How can you explain it? You, lying so comfortably on my chest, the soft breeze awakening our skin, the moon even seems brighter than the other days. I tell you my love, it is a miracle to me.

STACY: A miracle it is. I will let known to you a secret of my heart. A sad secret indeed. You see, I used to loathe you. I abhorred your behavior. I did not like the way your were. You being so weak and vulnerable made my blood rush to the head. I hated you.

JOHN: Yet you loved me. I can see it in your pretty little eyes,how watery they can become. I know you loved me.

STACY (Rising up, making John to wake up too. They are taking a stroll) I loved you? I do not know whether what I had for you could really be called love. It was utterly absurd. I mean, sometimes I could look at you with admiration, wishing that you were mine, only to loathe you the next minute. Talk about being confused. But here we are now, the past is laughing with us, for I surely Imagine it wanted us to be happy. We are happy. Aren't we?

JOHN:(Taking Stacy's hand) I know I shall tell a tale, years to come. A tale of two hearts that were in love and could not let go each other. Why don't we hold each other's arms and become careless this night. To smell any flower that we can lay our hands on, to trek in the fields and let our hands feel the soil. Why don't we play in the moon, and remind ourselves of those childhood memories? C'mon my love

(They pull each other and begin to play. It is the best sight you could ever want to see. Two beings in love. That is in itself a mystery. For how can we understand love? Its root, who can uproot them? Its heights, who can soar them?, Its brength?, who can explain it? Love is such a wonderful experience)

The unwanted Experience

 

This particular Saturday morning James was in turmoil,His heart was heavy, and he had been melancholy since the previous night. He wanted to concentrate on the movie he had put to help him forget what was happening in his world but he couldn’t as there was something in his heart that couldn’t allow him. He was always looking at life with hope now he was looking at it with abhor. He sat at his favorite couch staring at the ceiling hoping it could explain to him what love,life and lust are.

“How could I mess up this much?

“How could I break the vows I consciously made to me?”

“Is there any hope left?”

The reality of his pastors words dawned on him, “You can control your choices but never can you control the consequences of your choices.” He understood this intuitively hitherto

James a spontaneous guy was a drop dead gorgeous and gregarious man in his early thirties who dressed in height of fashion. His choices for fragrance was among the best in the market as he left every room and office he entered suffused with his sweet yet lemonish scent He also allured those around him with his energy and humor. He was a man of the people as he could interact with people from all walk of life hence a charismatic leader amongst his peers. Life was doing him justice as having worked for six years he felt he had reached at the zenith of his carrier. He had achieved most of his heart desires hence had a very good reason to be an apparently happy man -a good fiancee Elizabeth whom he was to marry in a few months having engaged her,paid the dowry now planning the big wedding. He had bought a house which was ultra-modern decorated and furnished with handsome sofa sets,tables and rags. The decorating schemes was three starling colors blended together pleasantly. This is where him and Elizabeth would call a home after walking her down the isle. James was happy to be in love as he believe the notion that when you are in love things begin to make sense.

“I am pregnant James?”

This words coming from Eunice who was his side chick ,hitting him in the solar plexus,agape and was lost of words .

“She is pregnant...... she is pregnant.... .”These words played in his mind repeatedly over and over again,trying the phrase on ,like a new dress to see how it fitted. He wanted to let the words in as he was still in a dilemma.

“How can I get in a situation when am almost going to settle down with a woman I love,Elizabeth who is an intelligent lass,has standard and knows where she is going..A woman who is able to have awareness of not only herself but of her man.”

He felt physical shame and self loath

“Eunice can never be an ideal woman,she can never make a good wife. She is just a careless creature with Sorry-shabbily coiled weave.'' he thought aloud almost hysterically

The universe now had conspired to make him pay for his lustful desires. These bitter accusations might have been suppressed, had he, with greater policy, concealed his lustful struggles and patiently await for the day Elizabeth would join him in their matrimonial home. He wished he could be anywhere else and anyone else but not Here and Him. For the first time he hated himself with a passion.

James laid on the couch for along time. He struggled with the so many voice in his head on how to deal with the circumstance at hand. He cursed himself for letting the agenda for lust take over his agenda for his well planned life. He regretted for not having seen this coming the day he met Eunice at the local pub and got allured by her sexy legs which she had crossed very lady like, however it offered him a view of the thickness of her thighs underneath that pencil skirt. He envied that shirt she wore with the modest neckline who's only function was to cover a curvy and delicious form. Eunice was tempting that night making James have exaggerated image of her in the mind. Really men are visual. In a span of seconds he had undress her. James was drooling and he had to go approach this lady sent from heaven. He was not thinking straight at all when his eyes met Eunice eyes. The deal was sealed as the eye contact suggestively entwined their souls and welcomed each other and the rest is history.

Its been two years now since James and Eunice met,they had been able to conceal their intimacy and Eunice was okay being the chick on the side having ratified in her heart the rules of the relationships as suggested by James. He had promised to be with her till the end of time despite him getting married. He used the common lies men use to dominate women who have wondering and longing hearts and can fall for any lie. He lied how his marriage with Elizabeth was for convenience and a situational one but not his preference. He wanted to have both women in his life but Elizabeth was the one to mother his kids not Eunice.

The fact that Eunice was pregnant haunted him for hours and he realized he hated himself so much hence couldn't stand his circumstance at the moment. He didn't know what to tell both ladies and how to handle the situation. Suicide was the only way out. He took his life that very day having been overwhelmed by so may voices

By

Esther Wavinya

THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone,hours to like them and a day to love them .Love is when you take the feeling .the passion, the romance in that person and find out you still care for that person.

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. What is more painful is to love someone and never have the courage to let them know how you feel. Openness, patience, receptivity, solitude is everything. Maybe God wanted us to meet the wrong people before meeting the right person so that when we meet that person we will appreciate the gift of love . The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter. Trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit. Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day. 

 

It is true we don’t know what we have till we loss it but it’s also true we don’t know what we have been missing till it happens. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end it was never meant to be and you just have to let go. When the door of happiness closes another opens but so often we look at the closed door so much that we don’t see the one that has been opened for us.

The best kind of friends is the one you can just be with never say a word and leave feeling that was the best moment ever. Giving someone your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Just wait for to grow in their heart but if it doesn’t be content it grew in your heart. It’s funny how, in this journey of life, even though we may begin at different times and places, our paths cross with others so that we may share our love, compassion, observations, and hope

There are things you will love to hear that you will never hear from the person that you will love to hear from. But don’t be deaf not to hear from that person who will say it from their heart.

Never say goodbye if you still want to try. Never give up if you still feel you can go on. Never say you can’t love again. The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience. 

 

Love comes to those who still hope although they have been disappointed. To those who believe although they have been betrayed. To those who have courage to build trust again.

Don’t go for looks they can deceive, don’t go for fragrance it can be washed away. Don’t go for wealth it fades away. The unconditional love is the true love. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes a smile to take to make dark day seem bright

Hope to find that someone who makes you smiles. Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.

By

Esther Wavinya

THE CONFESSION by Mutie Oscar Ghitto

Dear the world,

I have decided to confess every thing today. Am not going to hold back these feelings any more. I want the world to know what I feel; what makes me tick, what makes me move. I believe that confessing is a very important phenomenon. Ask the Catholics about it. I know that it is time I opened  my heart; to let these feelings flow, to fight repression and the double mind that has been keeping me in the dark. Honestly, Am fed up being in the bowels of darkness for this long. Am fed up for holding tight to my fears, being so conservative and refusing to develop. Am fed up of being that kind of a person whose heart is a prison. Am fed up of being paranoid, and never standing my ground. Today is the day to make my feelings known.

As am writing this, am in war; fighting that voice which is telling me to back off. To retrace my steps and tuck my tail. But I refuse. I refuse to be held back by the fear of public outrage. If I shall be stoned for this, then what do I care? We shall all die. I refuse to be held back by the contemplation of regret. If it is regret, trust me that I have regretted more than I can count.I refuse to be held back by the mere thought of embarrassment . If it is being embarrasssed, believe you me, I have been embarrased more than the hairs on your head. Let the pen bleed. Let the emotions flow. I tell you, I will write with permanent ink, for generations and generations to come. I want this piece to be a family possession. That which shall live in the family archives forever.

Am tired of pussyfooting and beating about the bush. Let the tale be told. If it is a bombshell, let it be dropped. Today, I will be careless more than I was or will ever be. Today, I shall bear my soul bear for all of you to see. I shall be an open book from today hence forth. I shall begin by saying that I love her, and I have always denied it. I have been under the prison of denial for a long time now. It is time I broke out. It is time I discard these chains. It time I washed my face and keep that beautiful and cheerful countenance. That is why I scream as audible as I can be to say that I love her. If I go hoarse, its fine by me. I have known dumb men anyway, and they live! If am termed psychotic, perfect! I have been searching for psychosis for along time now. I welcome the tag. Give me time to express myself. Don't you want to see a naked human soul?

My words might be ambiguous, vague and incoherent. But what do I care? I have listened to stammerers before, and to tell you the truth, they still manage to pass their message. I believe am better of. Its only that am emotional today. I believe that I have never been this emotional since I learned letter A.If you filter my words, you will realize that am struggling to put these words together. Can you imagine? Just because of a woman. And you said that women were good for nothings. Oh well! What else shall I say? Shall I talk of how I terribly miss her? Shall I say her name?

I should probably say her name. Isn't it.? I should shout her name so all of you can know her. Isn't it wonderful if you all knew that girl who causes me sleepless nights? wouldn't it be fair if you knew this girl who has been driving me round the bend, making me loose myself? And to say the truth, I have lost my mind. I do not know whether I will ever find it again. I just hope that God, our loving father, the creature of heaven and earth, shall give me the mercies. After all, he is the one who created this creature, or am I lying to myself? You have the right to know her. I believe our very able constitution has made this very clear. Right to know the truth! So, if anyone knows why the water is boiling and tries to to conceal it, let him be brought to book. Why should we sympathize with truth concealers anyway? They are the ones who are making this country lag behind. It is for this fear of the law, this fear that makes me shudder, that will make me tell you the name of this girl. You know, I should not want to see our beautiful country in the muck just because of a tiny little name that could have been mentioned and things went perfectly ok. Or is it had to pronounce Amani? I believe not. C'mon, even if you had a tongue problem, this shouldn't be that hard. Oh! there you go. I have spilt the name. Truthfully I dare say. Without fear or favour. That is the name. You are now free, and within your legal rights to judge me. I shall welcome your judgment. Do not be afraid of anything! I will hold no grudges. Am cool.

Let me tell you of how it all started. So, there was this particular time...Oh! what is wrong with me? I almost forgot the procedure. Once upon a time, I saw this girl, she was watching the sun set on the balcony. I took a closer look at her and I could not believe my eyes. She was very pretty. I am known for my good sight, if anyone wants to disagree with me or hold those thoughts that am being subjective. She was truly pretty. And by the way, I have seen her pictures today. yes. 3rd april. Just two days after fool's day. She's still gorgeous. With that spark in her eyes that has retained its powers of melting me. Where was I? Right, the balcony. I fell in love with her that day. Am still in love, though am not sure whether am in total control of my faculties today. But I believe that even mad man can tell when they are in love. Love is such a strong thing. I did not believe it until today. I used to hold those feelings you're trying to listen to. That love is for the birds. By God, do birds know how to kiss? Let alone the language of love. I tell you. This lady is beautiful. Am thinking of how I will reposes her. She has another man? Thats the reason am practising the sword. You think its for fun? Wait until I slit someone's throat so that you can understand what am talking about.

Amani I love you. Am not saying it to please anyone. I have no one to please anyway. Except you who deserted me when I needed you the most. Please tell that man to back off, that is, if he still loves his life. If he does not, he can hang around. I won't refuse him. Amani, I love you. Am not sure whether you can accomodate mad men. Men mad in love. I cannot help myself. I know you were wrong, but I apologize for making you think wrong about me. You see, the only problem with me is that I can be a weakling sometimes. I allowed people to push me around. To bully me. That is what disgusted you. isn't it? It is what made you run away. Am a bull dog now. Merciless. I will guard you HAPPINESS. Even if it is in my dreams. But what I know is that one day, you shall be in these arms.


      YOURS FAITHFULLY,
                                         JILTED LOVE, WHO HAS COME BACK TO CLAIM HIS RIGHTFUL PLACE.

Why do we Kill? Why War

War won't end until greed does,

and greed won't end until human nature does.

This goes to show that neither side in war are 'the bad guys'

they were just people fighting for what they want.

World peace will never come,

but we can fight without pouring kerosene on children,

burning them alive and shooting rockets and soldiers just for fun.

so much money and life wasted in War

We are brought up in system that breeds evil

Breeds hate against religion and culture

War renders humanity vulnerable

With no where to run to or turn to

Children are subjected to this

we have lost so many children because of war

innocent kids who came to the world to explore

It sickens me to my nerves to witness this

Has humanity turned to anti-life and pro-death?

Villages are destroyed hence a race is wiped out

Men,women and children are butchered with no mercy

One loses all his loved ones and property

cruelty is immense in a war

When you kill you become indifferent

you become cold,paranoid with lost morality

Your soul is haunted and very cold

The people you kill will torture your soul

They live in your head

Lets stop killing for greed

You kill for a system which is inhuman

you kill because of the fear of an individual

whose fears have turned him to anti-life

He brainwashes you to kill another human being

to quest his thirst for power and cruelty

Before you kill that human being

ask yourself why do I kill?

Am I gaining anything from killing?

Is this my purpose for living?

Is this Gods Intention For my being?

Does war solve problems or make them immense?

By 

Esther Wavinya